That's right mother-crackers in less than 500 words I'm going to explain to you suckers why a guy carrying an umbrella is considered gay as frank ocean.
Point #1: First of all I love Frank Ocean. I think his musical dialogue in his songs is super awesome. Secondly, it is a man law written in stone, no man can use an umbrella unless he is sharing it with a hot chick or trying to pick up hot chicks.
This law was written by the cavemen themselves. If carrying an umbrella doesn't involve you trying to get hot chicks, then you are using an umbrella wrong. You will find so many stranded chicks during rainy season, especially at local grocery stores. One of them may be staying a block away from your place & might have forgotten her umbrella while doing some quick shopping. This is your chance to play Superman & hopefully end up with her number while you at it.
Point#2: Real men don't use umbrellas. We hold our brief cases and backpacks over our heads, and strut un fazed down the street.
All men can run. And I am not talking about no easy jog here. I mean Like Kenya run. It's in our DNA, genes and blood. Speed has been passed on from generation to generation. From Joseph to Moses. From Alexander the Great to Napoleon. From Martin Luther King to Barack Obama. You name it. All hail the gods of speed. It's for this reason why real men don't use umbrella. If you can run why use an umbrella when It's only going to slow you down. That's offensive to the gods of speed.
Point#3: Umbrellas are perceived as being for women and for men who are only holding them over women's heads.
Unless you have a vagina and you can bleed for 3 days without dying or if your boss is Michelle Obama and she doesn't like her weave wet it would be only nice not to upset her, then you need to carry an umbrella. If not, then grab some balls buddy, because you are missing some down there.
Point#4: Everyone Knows Real Men Wear Hoods. *flips hood & disappears into the shadows*
Name one bad ass movie where Stallon, Arnold or Chuck Norris (I shouldn't even mention his name) ever carried an umbrella? That's right. You guessed it. Zero. Bad Ass guys don't have time to carry umbrellas, why? Because they are too busy being freaking awesome, that's why. You can't shoot at bad guys with a machine gun while holding an umbrella in your other hand. That's straight up gay and thinking about it just made me puke.
Point#5: I Think They are Just Useless.
Ok not really, but it's just that we men are more practical, we don't like carrying useless things around. If the rain is light, you'll only get a little wet without an umbrella. If the rain is heavy, you'll get wet anyway, whether you're using an umbrella or not. Plus, when you get inside, you've got this big, wet thing to put somewhere to dry out. I say ditch the umbrella and all your troubles will be solved.
@Mr__SmartASS
